i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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