So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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