and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she looked like the before picture.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, beer. Big fan.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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