i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
