Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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