I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
