all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
well you can't waste a boner
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
