sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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