Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
