Is it normal to miss your booty call?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
