I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
