I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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