is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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