I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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