I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
