So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
