im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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