Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
