Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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