I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
