Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
