In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
