I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
