So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
