What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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