Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
