You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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