My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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