Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
