I cannot find my penis.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
