Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
