**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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