NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
