And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
