I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
