i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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