DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
