took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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