We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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