i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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