WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
