Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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