Where is the hickey?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
