When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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