Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
