I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is Oprah even human
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
