Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
