I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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