If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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