This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
