it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
