my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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