I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
