i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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