I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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