I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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