You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
my liver is dry heaving
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
