Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
