The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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