youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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