That's intense
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
